All Gave Some and Some Gave All -Life in the Navy Before and After 9/11/0

This is a re-post from one I wrote in 2012. Looking back on that time I remember the amazing friends and service men and women I met and had the honor of serving with. Today I honor every single one of them and all of our current and prior service members. Having served in the Navy is still one of the proudest accomplishments of my entire life and I thank everyone who was a part of it- my Great Uncle Richard, Captain Norman and Captain Mitchell. I thank Amy, Jackson, Meredith, Joan and so many more friends for the memories and the times we spent. As Dickens said in A Tale of Two Cities-

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

I’ve started this blog in my mind at least a dozen times.  On September 11, 2001, my husband and I were supposed to have our first date—sushi and a movie.  At the time I happened to also be dating a Navy Fighter Pilot who was living in Norfolk, VA, but that’s kind of a complicated story and not relevant right now. That's what twenty-somethings do, right? 

I didn't have a digital camera in 2001, so you will have to forgive the quality of the photos as they are all photos of photos.  They do paint a picture of some of the happier times I spent while training for and serving in the United States Navy JAG Corp.

September 11, 2001

The sky was crystal clear and the weather was a beautiful early fall/late summer day.  Cool in the morning and hot by noon.

I was in my office preparing for Physical Evaluation Board hearings where I represented service members in hearings to either improve their disability rating or help them prove that their disability did not impair their service to the military. 

The Petty Officer and Civilian I worked with at the Physical Evaluation Board.

One of the Coast Guard officers who worked at the Naval Legal Services Office.

8:46 am

One of our Petty Officers had survived the bombing of the USS Cole in Yemen.  He had been seriously injured in the October 12, 2000.  Seventeen people died that day and 39 were injured.  He had endured over a dozen surgeries and was still working at only about 30% of his previous capacity.

He walked into my office and said, “L.T.—a plane just hit the World Trade Center.”  I looked up and remember wondering how in the world a plane could accidentally hit a building as massive as WTC.  Initially we heard rumors that it was a weather plane.  At the time I was busy reviewing my cases and I did not think very much about it at that moment.

9:03 am

When he came back for a second time we knew something was wrong and that while it was possible that one plane could possibly, accidentally hit the World Trade Center, there was no way that two planes could have hit it. 

9:37 am

While those in New York had been living a hellish nightmare for almost an hour, suddenly the attack hit much closer to home.  As soon as the Pentagon was hit, those of us in Washington, DC were thrust into the tragedy of 9/11. 

Immediately our hearings were cancelled.  Phones were ringing off the hook.  Cell phones started freezing up because there were so many people trying to call family and friends to see what was happening.

Rumors started immediately.  We heard there was a bomb at the Capitol.  We heard there were other planes that would be attacking D.C.  Alarms started going off and soon Military Police were going floor by floor and were evacuating everyone.  It was chaos.  One of my friends, Joan, was doing her rotation from our office at our Pentagon office and initially, no one could make contact with her.  I’ll never forget wondering where Joan was and whether or not she made it out.  Thankfully Joan made it out alive.  Traumatized, but alive.

Shannon, Joan and I in happier times.

The problem was—where do you go?  Did I go back to my apartment in the heart of DC where I could see the Pentagon from my roof?  Did I get in my car and start driving back home to Ohio?  That was what I wanted to do more than anything in the world.  I was a 26-year-old who had moved to Washington, D.C. on April 1, 2001 and now it seemed like the whole world was ending.  My mom and I discussed that option, only I told her that now that I was an officer in the military that would be going AWOL and she advised me to get as much gasoline, cash and water as I could before heading back to my apartment.

The Lieutenant Bars

The JAG Corp Ensignia

I remember driving from the base into the city on that date, against traffic-- no one else seemed to be driving toward the chaos-- all the cars were leaving the city, but the Navy Yard and my apartment in Woodley Park were both located right in the city.  I stopped to fill up my car with gas, to buy extra water for apartment.  My uniform was messy and I wasn't nearly the picture of a put together office that I should have been, but almost immediately after the first plane hit, DC was paralyzed.  I paid the cashier at the BP station and I'll never forget him looking me dead in the eye and saying, "Be careful, Lieutenant."

Only a couple of months before we had all celebrated the Fourth on top of my apartment building where we drank cocktails and watched the fireworks across the national monuments.  On September 11, 2001, the only site from the roof of my apartment was that of a huge cloud of smoke as the side of the Pentagon smoldered.  Like a light switch, that innocence of the Fourth of July in 2001 was gone by September 11, 2001.  

A call finally came through on my cell phone.  It was the Lieutenant Commander I had been dating since moving to D.C.  Trey was a fighter pilot and Top Gun instructor down in Norfolk, Va.  He said they were rallying all the F-18's and that he would be flying cover over New York City.  He told me I might not hear from him for a few days or weeks, but to watch the news.  Our relationship was never really the same after September 11th.  Both of our jobs and lives were much more intense after that.  

Trey in Key West on May 5, 2001.

My first time as a backseat rider in Norfolk, Virginia.

We broke up a couple months after 9/11. Things just were not the same anymore. 

I began dating Tom (my husband and true love) in 2002.  I kept in touch with Trey and we remained friends, but he was deployed on the George Washington and in 2002 I received a phone call from a fellow JAG officer who let me know that Trey's plane had gone down over the Adriatic Sea.  He never came home.  At first I didn’t believe her because I had just gotten an email from him that very morning.  I read it to her to somehow prove that he must still be alive.  He wrote that he had watched “Legally Blonde” the night before and that the character, Elle Woods, Attorney at Law, reminded him of me and that he hoped to be home to see his family sometime near Thanksgiving.  

That was the last communication I ever received from Trey. His body was never recovered and the crash was called a "training incident".

A couple of years later I was in Savannah with my husband and we were at the British Pub right off of one of the squares.  We were sitting at the bar when I started seeing names of Navy SEAL’s going across the screen as deceased and killed in action.  One of those names was Jeff Taylor.  An incredible SEAL and a dynamic person I had met right before I went to JAG school.  I’ll never forget it—Jeff traded me his Navy SEAL fleece for my little old OSU Law School sweatshirt.  I thought he had definitely gotten the short end of that deal.  A group of us had all spent a weekend skiing in Snowshoe, West Virginia.  They had all just finished BUDS and I had just finished Officer Indoctrination School.  These guys were not just Navy SEAL’s, they were incredible athletes.  We all night skied and spent the weekend celebrating our time off.

I am the blonde towards the left shooting off the DDG Laboon on March 3, 2001.  

On the DDG Laboon.

Fellow officers from the DDG Laboon while on liberty in Charleston, SC. 

Trey and Jeff are just two of the incredible people I got to know while I had the privilege of serving in the military.  There were officers like my Commanding Officer, Captain James Norman and my Executive Officer, Captain Fred Mitchell.  There were colleagues—young attorneys, doctors and nurses like Joan, Amy and others.  All of them were individuals who dedicated some (if not all) of their life to serving our country and who I looked up to as friends and mentors. 

Officer Indoctrination School in Newport, Rhode Island.

The Mess Hall.

The "O" Club.

Our beautiful rain coats.

Physical training.

Graduation day from Officer Indoctrination School-- December 2000.

Army-Navy Game 2001.

Trying to explain what September 11^th meant and was like to experience is difficult.  In the days, weeks and months to follow, living in DC continued to be difficult.  There was the Anthrax scare in which all of our work mail was fried in a big machine before we could get it.  There was the disappearance of Chandra Levy.  Then, there was the D.C. Sniper.   But we were young and idealistic and pursuing our dreams.  As the saying goes, it was the best of times and the worst of times.

There were the friends I knew and loved who are no longer with us.  There are friends who are still in danger’s way every single day.  All gave some and some gave all.

We remember each of them today.

Happy 4th Birthday Super Joe!

Joey has a new trick among others right now. It involves him leaving the room and rushing back in and saying "I'm back!" It's hilarious and cracks us up every single time. It is also how I feel writing this post. Our last blog entry was March 20th.  March 21st I was co-chairing a huge fundraiser for Down syndrome awareness on World Down Syndrome Day and then on the morning of March 22nd I was in the ER.  Less than a month after that I was in the ER again, only this time it was with a searing pain that ended up being a burst appendix followed by 10 days in the hospital (which almost turned into 2 weeks, but we begged to go home) and another 30 days of in-home nursing care for my open wound (which was my Mom living with us for a month taking care of me and the kids), an IV port, a wound vac and many other adventures. 

Getting ready to brush Rufus at Victory Gallop

The other big news that has occurred since April 17th is that we are expecting our 3rd baby! Baby girl is due September 26th, but right now we have a c-section scheduled for September 22nd. We have our last ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow and we are all anxiously getting ready for baby along with Tommy starting Kindergarten and Joey getting ready to go back to school.

The ruptured appendix while being pregnant adventure is a story for another day. And what a story it is! Today is not the time to go into the wild adventure our family has been on since April. 

Instead, today is a story of celebration. A story of gratitude. A story of counting blessings large and small.

A story of how I haven't been allowed to pick up Joey and hold him or carry him since April 17th and what that has meant for his growth and fortitude.

Speech therapy with Miss Donna has worked wonders!

A story of a little boy who was given a 2% chance in utero of ever surviving and who is now thriving and growing and becoming a precocious, hilarious and intelligent big boy.

It's strange because I spent almost all of Joey's pregnancy worrying and praying and wondering what would happen. It seems as though I possibly used up a lifetime of worries during that pregnancy. During this pregnancy (which has had no short dose of drama, fears, health issues and more), I have not succumbed to that devil called fear. Now and then I worry about all the medicine I was taking when I was sick, about all the CAT scans and as most parents do I worry about what potential problems or issues baby girl may face, but if I have learned anything from Joey, it is that worrying will get you no where. 

All of that time and all of that energy I wasted wondering and worrying about Joey's life and his health- it was all a waste of precious time. Life moves much too quickly and the kids grow up much to fast for me to put any stock into worrying about things I have no control over.

For our family, the silver lining that has come out of this very trying pregnancy is that Joey has learned incredible independence. 

Joey's hero- Tommy.

He has started taking independent steps! His language and speaking have skyrocketed. His memory and ability to remember people he has met before shocks and awes us every day.

Part of his growth this year is due to him finally going a full calendar year without a single surgery. Prior to turning 3, Joey had 7 operations and 4 different hospitals. Heart surgery at Michigan, three eye surgeries at the Cleveland Clinic, ear surgery at University Hospital, and then multiple procedures including tonsils, adenoids and ears at Akron Children's Hospital.

His last surgery was a year ago. We think that finally being free of all the anesthesia and all the recovery has given him new wings and energy to grow like never before!

Despite an intense schedule that includes preschool every morning and then Physical Therapy, Speech Therapy, Horse Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Music Therapy in the afternoon- Super Joe is making super strides.

The 2014 Buddy Walk.

Does he ever get grouchy? Oh, you better believe it. Joey has a personality all his own! Don't ever believe the generality that people who have Down syndrome are happy all the time. Joey would love to disprove that misnomer.

Before Joey was born we thought so much about him having Down syndrome and what it meant to have Down syndrome. Then, when he was born, we would look at this little person and wonder if we would ever see beyond him having Down syndrome.

I think that is what is most incredible now. Days go by without us thinking about Down syndrome. We have truly come to a place where we see Joey first. We see an amazing, spirited little boy. Down syndrome has slowly but surely become secondary. It is still a priority for us to advocate for individuals who have Down syndrome and to support the Down syndrome community to the best of our abilities, but what is better is that Joey's life to us is not defined by him having Down syndrome-- it is defined by all the possibilities that all children have. Who will this little boy become? We don't know. We are just grateful to be along for the ride.

Some major milestones-

Joey got glasses!  Now the key is trying to get him to wear his glasses.

Joey has started walking!!!! THIS IS HUGE!!! He turns 4 tomorrow and we have all been working with him for years on this. He is not a full-time walker and we cannot go to the mall, park or doctor appointments without the use of a stroller- BUT- he is taking steps.  Independent steps!!! ALLELUIA!!!!! 

His horse trophy is present at every meal!

Joey is officially a horse rider! He holds his own reins, he can stand and "post" on the horse. He is doing incredible. He just finished his first year at Victory Gallop and it has been a game changer for him. 

Joey has a LOT of words. He talks a lot. He even has some unsavory phrases such as "shake your booty" and "punch your face" that he likes to say and get a big reaction from, but he's doing so well that it's hard to try and stop him once he starts talking. He will also parrot almost anything we say. 

Joey recognizes a lot of people. People he doesn't see everyday. He remembers names and faces. It's incredible to witness his personality and memory.

Joey hasn't let go of his trophy since he got it!

Today we celebrate all of our blessings that Joey has brought to our life. Today we thank God for giving us this amazing child. Today we are thankful to everyone who has helped us during this crazy time to take care of Joey and Tommy, drive Joey to his therapy sessions, pick up Joey at camp. We are just so very grateful for what started as a very tough situation and has turned into many blessings for our little boys.

Happy, happy birthday Super Joe. You are our hero, our blessing, one of our precious sons! Keep up the hard work- you are INCREDIBLE!!!

Celebrating 2014 World Down Syndrome Day- No More Worries!

Almost exactly four years ago we found out during our second pregnancy that our baby boy, Joseph David, had Down syndrome. We had a prenatal diagnosis and to this day I will never forget the geneticist telling my husband and I that our son did indeed have an extra 21st Chromosome. Trisomy 21. Down syndrome. Words I had never thought about before.

At the time and for a long time after I remember worrying, worrying and more worrying. Worrying about things that I had absolutely zero control over. In some cases I felt like I was worrying just for the sake of worrying. I was worrying because somehow I had gathered from society that I should worry. How would we raise a child with Down syndrome? How would he get along with his brother? 

I worried about whether he would ever date. Ever get married. Ever get a job. Would he have friends? Would he need more care and more love than I could provide him with? Would he be funny? Have a sense of humor? Fit in our family.

My worries came in all sizes. Large and small. They were never-ending. Exhausting.

And a complete waste of time. Oh, the time I wasted worrying. The nights I would lay in bed and worry and wonder what in the world would happen to this child of ours.

The energy I spent was endless. I worried and worried and worried. 

What we learned was that the worrying was pointless. Every little moment spent wondering and worrying was time that was wasted and that I could never get back. 

Today we practice a different approach to raising Joey. It's called living in the present. It's called being present. It's about enjoying Joey where he is right here and now and trying our very best not to worry about tomorrow, next week or next year.

Instead of worrying we focus our energy and life towards helping Joey be the best he can be. We do Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Horse Therapy, Swim Therapy and we just added Music Therapy to the mix. We try to expose him to the world and help give him opportunities to socialize and just be a little boy. 

Instead of worrying we devote our family to advocacy for Down syndrome and to helping raise awareness by volunteering for organizations like Stand Up For Downs, and Buddy Up Tennis as well as other organizations like The Up Side of Downs and United Disability Services. 

Instead of worrying we work on helping the world and the community realize that individuals with Down syndrome can do anything! Hold jobs, get married, workout and so much more. 

Instead of worrying about if Joey will ever have a job, I daydream about where he might like to work. 

Instead of worrying about if Joey will ever start to walk on his own, I daydream about when he starts running and I have to chase him.

Instead of worrying about if Joey will ever be able to fully talk and communicate, I daydream about the funny things he will say.

Instead of worrying- we are living. We are celebrating World Down Syndrome Day 2014 and we hope you will celebrate with us. Thank you to everyone who helps make our world a better and more accepting place for individuals with Down syndrome every single day.

To every single person out there with Down syndrome- this one is for you! Happy World Down Syndrome Day!!!